I know Susanna would kill me for this.
The last 3-4 days had been very hard for me. This unwanted drama suddenly came just like the very unpredictable weather here in California. This proves to me that you really never know what will happen to your life NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU PLAN IT. Susanna and Aj helped me a lot, they also helped me to MAN UP and never let anyone just step on me. I learned how to fight.. but none the less, it does not feel good, or maybe I am just not used to hurting someone. As psychotic as that ex friend can be, i cannot deny that there was one point in our lives that we only had each other. I just have to tell myself that it was not my fault, she can’t be impulsive with her feelings all the time and expect everybody to woo her. As patient as I can be with things, i do have limitations, and this time I JUST SNAPPED. Its the mix of the ex drama, hormones, and stress.. Oh well,i guess, NOW i know how it feels to lose a friend a long the way.. but yeah, at least now I know how mad I can get. Its just like when I tried drinking, i have to see how much i can take before I get FUCKED UP.
About Jacques, he was a very good part of my life. I guess, i stuck around waiting until now because when you had something so real, you just can’t seem to let go of it. But, one good thing that he did is that, again, for the millionth time HE DID NOT CHOOSE ME. Where as i thought,.. oh well, that sucks i think maybe i just made it all up in my head.. The past 3-4 days his actions just helped me to move on and to see that there is nothing for me or for us anymore. I am still hurt, bothered or whatever you may call it, but atleast its not as much as before..
Here is the part where Susanna would probably resort to hitting my head on the wall when she gets to read this post… Above all this drama, there was someone I talked to today.. All he had to say was “see you tomorrow” for me to feel good and excited about going to the first day of class eventhough we had a Dosage and Calculations exam.. Yes, susie, kill me now but i do think.. i am infatuated with that so proud, annoying, feeling pogi guy.
SEE YOU SECOND SEMESTER OF NURSING ^^
Who knows what i will say tomorrow.. I am 21 I am entitled to make bad decisions, be confused with my feelings, say random stuff and feel random emotions all at the same time.. Ohh post puberty, why are you so hard?
